You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
