Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
