so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
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