I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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