I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I think my moral compass just broke
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
