and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
