i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
