i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
