I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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