I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
