I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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