I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize
