bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
