I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
