I look better un-naked...
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
The struggles of a small town man whore
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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