it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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