Me. At least after what I've been through.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
