this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
