he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He? As in you personified your dick?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
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