Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
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