you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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