think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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