it's too hot outside to masturbate.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
im holly from the hills drunk
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
