I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
