remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
She has the best kind of daddy issues
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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