would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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