God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
