I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
