DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
