i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
