If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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