Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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