great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
