get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
You smell like stripper and shame
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
