you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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