he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
