We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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