there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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