Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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