I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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