Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
