The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
