she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
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