that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
