and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
