someone get that fucking seahorse.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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