I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
