video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
