I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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