does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
My vagina just clenched in fear
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
His nipple licking is glorious
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