And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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