y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
